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What Are Relationship Boundaries?

We all know what geographical boundaries are...but what are relationship boundaries?

If a football field is measured in yards...and a farm is measured in acres...what do these objective measurements have in common with interpersonal relations?

Well...what they have in common is that...they have objectively defined...knowable limits.

Relationship boundaries are essentially the definitions of some context. Boundary violations happen when people behave in ways not acceptable in that context.

Everyday language acknowledges these boundaries when someone says...
  • "You've crossed the line"...

  • Now you've gone too far"...

  • "Don't talk to me in that tone, I'm your mother..."

So boundaries have to be defined. And we use Aristotle's ancient rule for defining things...which is still used today in science...philosophy...and now in ministry.

In the case of geography they are limits on the extent of some property that carves it out and differentiates it from its neighbors...like the physical limits of Arkansas separate it from the states around it.

So what are the knowable limits in relationships? So...

What are boundaries?

Boundaries belong to the general class of

"behavioral rules"...that set limits on what can and cannot be done...and what must be done...in different types of relationships


And while we're at it...everyone 'knows' what a relationship is...but often they can't define it without using the word itself...and that's against the rules. So...in order to communicate about boundaries in relationships...

What are relationships?


Relationships are in the general class of social connections...between two or more people.

And these connections are either voluntary as they are in relationships...

  • between lovers

  • between friends

  • between employer and employee

  • between people in a contract or covenant.
Or relationships are involuntary...as those between...
  • the forced association of family members

  • the forced association of people in a workplace or other organization hierarchies

  • the forced association of people jailed for crimes

Now we can put the two words...relationship boundaries...together and know what we mean so we can communicate about them.

With a useful...easily communicated definition...we can describe and quickly understand other terms like...a healthy relationship...abusive relationships...good relationships...etc.

When people talk about being "...in a relationship..." they often mean a romantic relationship. But even if they were not romantically involved with someone...they would be in many different species...or types...of ongoing relationships.

They might have



And because there are so many types of relationships...each with its specific limits or boundaries...defining the context of the relationship is crucial. That way you can tell whether you or someone else is "crossing the line" and violating relationship boundaries.


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