Sexual Attraction
In Ministry Situations

Sexual attraction does...will...and should occur in ministry situations.

Ministers will at times be sexually attracted to some people in the church. And predictably, some people in the church will at times be sexually attracted to their ministers. This is not an occupational fluke...but it is an occupational risk.

For humans...sexual attraction is routine . Our sensitivity to the beauty of others is not confined to reproductive urges...as it may be among other groups. People respond sexually to others many times during the day...in the street...in stores...in airports...even in churches. And for the most part...virtually all of those responses are managed well.

That is to say...most people do not act on their sexual feelings as they occur. Most people do not violate physical or social boundaries to enforce their sexual feelings. They know the boundaries...the other person is a stranger...the context is wrong...the social rituals for sexual expression are not in effect.

And so most people take these sexual attractions as momentary and get on with the day without acting on them.

But ministry puts a different slant on things that creates risk for the minister...who is assumed to have spiritual or moral influence over the other person. The other person is assumed...true or not...to be vulnerable...not only to the minister's spiritual influence...but to the minister's sexual influence as well.

This assumption in favor of the other person's vulnerability is made automatically...even if the minister was not the pursuer...but the one pursued.

However...because ministers are usually trusted...they are...in fact...well-positioned to manipulate those who arouse itchy desire in them. A minister may already be in social and emotional rapport with the 'intended'. And the rest is a breeze. And the minister is history. Maybe not right away...some ministers were accused of sexual malpractice after they were dead.

Undercover sexual behavior by ministers has no psychological...social...or moral support system in an institution that has morality as its job. And no good can come of such affairs...whether with minors or adults...only great harm.

As sexual magnetism outside of insulating boundaries can draw the minister into its dancing flame and destroy ministry...so sexual magnetism can grow ministry when constrained by proper boundaries...and give it new life.

We call people who know how to do this charismatic. How many people do you know who could keep hungry crowds enchanted...hanging on every word for days at a time? (Mk 8:1,2)). How many people do you know who could make an angry stone-throwing crowd slink away...convinced of their error by a few words? (Jn 8:7-9).

A minister's first step in managing sexual attraction is to be consciously aware of it.

If sexual feelings are ignored...denied...or suppressed...they will take on a life of their own outside of awareness. And inevitably they will be acted out under the guise of doing ministry...to the detriment of everyone concerned.

A minister's second step in managing sexual attraction is to learn how to use magnetic sexual energy to draw others properly for ministry's end...and not to draw others improperly for covert personal gratification that will put an end to ministry.

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