Sexual Attraction In Ministry

It's a fact! Sexual attraction does...will...and should occur in ministry situations.

Ministers will at times be sexually attracted to some people in the church. And predictably, some people in the church will at times be sexually attracted to their ministers.

This is not an occupational fluke...but it is an occupational risk.  

So why not tell YOUR story (you can use a made up name) as Brother Paul does below and minister to other ministers as they cope with this very human issue of sexual attraction in their work?

You may find it surprising to read that sexual attraction should occur in ministry. 

This is so that ministers can be aware of it...manage it properly...and choose not to take action to follow up on it.

Likewise sexual indifference or sexual repulsion should also be in a minister's awareness...so that the minister does not give short shrift or lessened attention to the ugly duckling.

For humans...sexual attraction is routine . Our sensitivity to the beauty of others is not confined to reproductive urges...as it may be among other mammals.

People respond sexually to others many times during the day...in the street...in stores...in airports...even in churches. And for the most part...virtually all of those responses are managed well.

That is to say...most people do not act on their sexual feelings as they occur.

Most people do not violate physical or social boundaries to enforce their sexual feelings.

They know the boundaries...the other person is a stranger...the context is wrong...the social rituals for sexual expression are not in effect.

And so most people take these sexual attractions as momentary and get on with the day without acting on them.



However...ministry puts a different slant on things that creates risk for the sexually curious  minister...
who is assumed to have spiritual or moral influence over the other person.

And the other person is assumed...true or not...to be vulnerable...to both the minister's spiritual influence...
and to the minister's sexual influence as well.

This assumption in favor of the other person's vulnerability is made automatically...even if the minister was not the pursuer...but the one pursued (as is often the case).

However...because ministers are usually trusted...they are well-positioned to manipulate those who kindle lusty desires in them.

A minister may already be in social and emotional rapport with the 'intended'. And the rest is a breeze. And then the minister is history. Maybe not right away...some ministers were accused of sexual malpractice after they were dead.

Undercover (no pun intended) sexual behavior by ministers has no psychological...social...or moral support system in an institution that has morality as its job. And no good can come of such affairs...whether with minors or adults...only great harm.

As sexual magnetism outside of insulating boundaries can draw the minister into its dancing flame and destroy ministry...so sexual magnetism can grow ministry when constrained by proper boundaries...and give it new life.

We call people who know how to do this charismatic. How many people do you know who could keep hungry crowds enchanted...hanging on every word for days at a time? (Mk 8:1,2)). How many people do you know who could make an angry stone-throwing crowd slink away...convinced of their error by a few words? (Jn 8:7-9).

A minister's first step in managing sexual attraction is to be consciously aware of it.

If sexual feelings are ignored...denied...or suppressed...they will take on a life of their own outside of awareness. And inevitably they will be acted out under the guise of doing ministry...to the detriment of everyone concerned.

A minister's second step in managing sexual attraction is to learn how to use magnetic sexual energy to draw others properly for ministry's end...and not to draw others improperly for covert personal gratification... that will put an end to ministry (See for example, John 12:1-3 and 12:7)

Share YOUR story here...let your experience and the knowledge you gained from it help others who struggle in the dark with sexual attraction in ministry...

Have A Helpful Story About Sexual Attraction in Your Ministry and How You Dealt With It?

Do you have a story about sexual attraction in your ministry of you to others and others to you? Did it work out well or did it work out not so well? Help other ministers benefit from the wisdom and knowledge you gained. Or get help from other ministers with this very human issue...
Share YOUR story! (Use another name to protect your privacy. But, it would be helpful to know what country you hail from!)

Here Are Very Different Stories of Sexual Attraction From Other Ministers.

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Do You Love Me? 
Several years ago while singing solos in my local church choir, I became very attracted to a handsome soloist who I sometimes performed duets with. …

Love Springs Eternal 
Yes, that’s right, even at the age of 57. As an older nun you’d think I’d know better right? Wrong! One time, on a 30-day retreat, I met this cute little …

How I learned to deal with sexual attraction to women as a seminarian 
My Seminary Professor required us to research the topic: Defining boundaries in ministry,how to keep appropriate relationships. In reading your article, …

Click here to write your own.



You can go from sexual attraction to sexual boundaries.

Or you can...



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